Weight loss ish.

Let's put the snark on hold for a second -

If you know me at all, you know that I've spent the past year and a half dedicated to getting healthy. Yesterday I took my measurements again and wasn't too happy with the results as i compared my measurements and weight with ones I had taken in the past. After 6 months, 1 half marathon, and countless training miles, I have lost 1 inch and not a single pound.

My first thought was "ugh, that's nothing. And I've worked so hard!" I was frustrated, but when I really thought about it I was unsure why that upset me. I'm shrinking. I'm stronger. This is a victory.

I originally began losing weight in January of 2011. The initial weight loss was rapid - I lost 25 pounds in the first month and a half. By the end of 2011 I was down 50 pounds total. But, after I hit the 50 pound mark I hit the dreaded wall and have yet to clear it.

I'm a very firm believer that we make our own happiness. We can control what we can, and everything else shouldn't be our concern. You don't like your job but you can't find a new one? MAKE yourself LOVE what you do. Desperate to get married but can't find a man to save your life? Be too concerned with living live and having adventures to think about what you don't have.

I guess that's why I've been so successful with losing weight. I felt fat, and ugly so I decided to stop being those things. I could control what food I put in my mouth and how often I sat on the couch.

Despite my success, I still battle with numbers and vicious thoughts. "You can't be beautiful unless you weigh 140 pounds," the voice in the back of my head whispers.

I feel like the scale has become that thing that tells me no day after day. You won't be thin. It's not in your DNA. But day after day I hit the gym, leave feeling great and the number that I see every morning doesn't matter.

I reached my goal of losing 50 pounds and getting healthy. Now, I need to focus on what else I can control. I can control how I feel about my weight. I'm putting up the scale and I'm not going to weigh myself for one month. This is a huge deal for me because I typically weigh myself every morning. I'm a little terrified honestly because that number has controlled me for so long. But I'm tired of letting something so insignificant have a hold of me.


-Sarah